men Personal Blog relationships Success women

What Makes A Man A Man?

What makes a man a man? Is it his phallus, his strong muscular build? Or the way he cares for others, himself, and the world around him? Does he hold the door for you or does he walk into a building first? Are there any old school themed relationships left? Or are we stuck with this modern type of love?

Have you ever hated someone else’s boyfriend? When you looked at him all you saw were a tangle mess of all his flaws. It’s not the things he does, but the things he doesn’t do. It’s not the words he says, but the promises he makes and doesn’t keep? He’s not even your boyfriend and you can’t even stand the sound of his name. Well I guess that’s why he is not YOUR BOYFRIEND!

Photo by Ali KarimiBoroujeni on

Okay, for starter’s yes I’m single, and I do enjoy it. And no I’m not just saying that. I’ve had my fair share of one-sided relationships, lazy men, crazy women, and have lost people due to my lack of trust, suspicions, and trying to fix things that aren’t broken. If your a fan of zodiacs and one of your top 5 first questions you ask your significant other when you first meet is, “what’s your sign”? Then I must tell you I am a Virgo. I’m hard to please. I either love you right off bat or I never really will. (And that scares most people away). I know what I want when I want it. I criticize the smallest of things and I dislike liars, sneaky behavior, and if I even think you’re cheating, you’re cheating. I’ve always been told I have an old soul. So I typically date the father, when I should date the son. If you catch my drip. But even older men have been sucked into this modern type of love. If you are a man and you read this, I will say I do not believe all men are this way or that. I can only speak on experience, and most of my experiences have been with black men. Which has really got me wondering if my type is not really my type after all.

So, this particular blog stemmed from one simple comment. If you’ve read my bio, then you know I’m majoring in Creative Writing and English. So one simple comment like, “When you have a man in the house, you feed him off glass plates.” Can provide me with a topic and allow me to run with it. I do have a question that has brought some controversy to a lot of homes.

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My answer is in the way I wrote the question. So let’s get started shall we? Whatever happened to the men who bring you flowers? Clean off your car after a snow storm? Who work and pay the bills? (while allowing you to focus on your dreams). Who take the trash out? And hold the door for you? Who walk on the outer side of the sidewalk closest to the cars? What happened to the men who show up for birthdays, Christmas, Baseball games and Dance recitals?

I once read an article that said a child performs better and is most likely to be successful when they have both parents living in the home. What do you guys think about that? It seems like most men love you all the way up until the point where his sperm meets your egg. Making the connection you thought you had even stronger than before. It seems like some men don’t care if a women has kids as long as they are not his. (And again this is not the same for all men). They spend holidays with children that are not their own. Show up for birthday parties for kids they did not help conceive, while their own children are being raised by another man that are not their father. It’s like we live in a world where father’s are being recycled. Where every kid has a dad, just not a father. (I do not have any kids of my own btw). I am just speaking on things I see.

Photo by Lawrence Suzara on

What happened to the men who want to build and uplift their women? I see a lot of men in relationships for their own personal gain. There are a lot of homeless single men laying next to successful taken women every night. I just want to scream at them sometimes: “HE’S USING YOU STUPID!” Two months in he’s telling you how much he loves you, but refuses to allow you to meet his mom, whole time having you think it’s your own doing. He shows up when it’s time to go shopping, go to the club, drink, and party and of course when it’s time for bed. But when it’s time to clean the house, wash a dish, or take out the trash, he’s in your bed playing “Man of the house”. You find yourself alone at Doctor appointments, oil changes, laundromats, and grocery stores. And yet he’s the first one to get a plate of food, the only one in the house who takes hour long showers. (And if he brings his phone, he’s not showering the whole time). He’s giving excuses to the woman who opens her door for him when you two are fighting. He’s making empty promises, thinking of a way he can spend a little time with her, so she’s around just in case he need’s her again. Because let’s face it girl, you can’t be naive forever. If you’re arguing more than you have deep mind stimulating conversation, it’s the universe telling you he’s not the one. And just because he’s not doing all the right things for you or with you, doesn’t mean he’s incapable, it doesn’t even make him a bad dude. It just means, he is not your til death do us part, through sickness and in health.

Photo by Daisy Anderson on

So what makes a man a man? A lot of men and women, mistake the fact he has a phallus makes him a man. A man was born to lead, protect and serve his woman. Take her places she can’t go herself (and not only in the bedroom). I want ‘The Notebook’ kind of love. The ‘Up’ kind of love. The ‘Love and Basketball’ kind of love. The Martin and Gina kind of relationship. The Beyonce and Jay-Z kind of marriage (minus the cheating). Topanga and Corey, Uncle Phil and Aunt Vivian. I know what you’re thinking, but a girl can dream right? A man remains calm through the storm, he does not raise his voice, he does not runaway. Instead he is calm, steady and protective, the whole way through,

My My How The Times Have Changed A man Is Loving, Kind And Plain. The Fire In The Dark And In The Cold, He Is The Strength That Doesn’t Fold. From His Rib I Came About. A Piece Of Him Forever Bound.



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